Earlier today a large pack of animals, mostly dogs and cats, attempted to storm a local Arby's sandwich shop. The group of some 3100 animals known as "DOGFORCE" led by their fearless-facist "MikeyTheBrat" turned an entire neighbourhood into a zoological menager-mess.
Thousands of pet owners all over the city with broken leashes, bite marks and lacerations are scratching their heads. "It was the strangest thing" said one bewildered owner of three labrador retrievers. "All of a sudden all the dogs started walking in circles in the crapping position - you know - with their tails in that 'S' shape. So I was like Jesus Marge, open the door! And out they went, all three of them. Hell-bound for leashes."
At exactly 0900, a time pre-arranged by TheBrat through his massive Twitter following, animals from as far away as Norway and Japan converged on a one-acre field in Steveston just metres from the Arby's. Dog-catchers from all over the country were called on as the government declared a "state of canine emergency."
Luckily for Arby's TheBrat's followers include not only other dogs but also many cats and a handful of ferrets.
"The cats started it" woofed one of TheBrat's high officials - an officer named "@furbabys" who is repsonsible for PR in the facist organization.
He may be right, of course. The cats, led by the notorious burglar "@McTheCat" decided to forgo the roast beef and go for a ferret sandwich instead. The ferrets looked to TheBrat's second-in-command, known only as "Dumbass," for help. To which she replied:
"Ferrets! I love ferrets! Mikey! Check it out! Ferr.....CAAAAATS!" and that was it. The dogs in the back of the pack turned on the cats who were turning on the ferrets who were looking for help from the dogs and you guessed it:
A clustermate.
Eventually everyone went home with an animal, while not necessarily the one that they came with.MikeyTheBrat has been apprehended and is now behind bars.
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| Open the door. C'mon asshole. Just open it. |
- along with his sidekick known to police as only "Dumbass"
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| Duh....what am I doing in here? |
These animals are considered unarmed and dangerous. Do not approach if you see them. Call the authorities.
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| But I'm so cute.....pweez? |
BAIL has been posted at $20 for the release of MikeyTheBrat and $10 for Dumbass.
Message from Mikey:
PLEASE post my bail! Please! It's a week before CHRISTMAS! Think of the poor animals this time of year! PLEASE! All you have to do is click here: Mikey's Bail
What's $20? It's Christmas!!!!
