*rubs paws together* mwahahaha
*shakes jowls to get images out of head*
Now they've really done it. I, the mighty Mikey, have been exploited and humiliated in front of my peers. The ignorant bipeds have somehow gotten a hold of my puppy picture and spread it all over the internet. Yes, NAKED PUPPY PORN!
What a schmuck! What's that? Fat? FAT???? Look a-hole, it's called....
...pleasingly plump. Puppies need all that fa....cuddly you say? I did not cuddle. In fact, my mother was not a cuddler. Didn't want to have much to do with my litter after about 5 or 6 weeks. I give thanks for that - it contributed to my ferocious personality. You know, the way I don't suffer fools gladly. More specifically, I don't suffer complete morons gladly. Or dumbasses or shitheads.
When the bitch biped came across this photo she says "The eyes! Just look at that sweet, vulnerable look in his eyes! Mikey, you were so adorable. What happened to you?"
What happened to me? Life happened, that's what. I was kidnapped by you ignorant bipeds, thrown in jail, my food is rationed and the pack I live with in my own den includes Dumbass and Shithead that's what happened. See how cute and cuddly you are if I threw you in jail and only fed you once a day.
What's that you say? I'm only in jail when I eat cuz I'm such an a-hole I might kill the other dogs? Well...I don't like it when they take my food. Okay, so I don't it when they sniff my food. Or look at it. Or are within 50 feet when I'm eating it.
If this miserable humiliation isn't enough, they also found my elementary school graduation photo. How embarrassing is this:
To counteract this heinous crime of distributing puppy porn pictures, especially that fat...er...I mean....plump one here is a video of me seeking to de-code the biped language:
~491
