Dumbass

The ignorant bipeds are out of the den, apparently "working." They leave dumbass and I to guard the den. The female biped says "You behave yourself Mikey. Be nice to Guinness!" Stupid bitch. Not the biped. Guinness. aka Dumbass.  She picks her favorite spot on the chesterfield - perched where she can launch a frontal attack on me of licking and tail-wagging. I have tried to destroy her but this brings great punishment by my oppressors. Honestly, what I must daily endure comrades! We must swiftly achieve an end to this!

So far I have 494 followers. I was hoping for a million, but I'm not sure how long I can stand it under the oppressive biped rule. What's the point in life if a dog cannot be a dog and do what we all love best:...

Solitary

Today the ignorant bipeds locked me in solitary confinement. Dumbass was allowed to roam free in the den. Their lame excuse was...

Vacuum Pack

The ignorant bipeds are sleeping longer than usual. Apparently to pay homage to their dead queen. Note to self: bipeds organize themselves like small stinging insects. Watch for a flying attack on the gums. Check nooks and crannies of the den for honey when bipeds leave for work.

I erroniously believed I had sufficiently fooled the bipeds for now. Upon awakening this morning they lick my head with their front paws. I weakened for a moment, comrades. I confess. It felt good. But then, as soon as they had caught me unawares the attack began. Their weapon of choice - the most evil of all weapons against a dog...

Mikey, the Brat

The ignorant bipeds are sleeping. I awaken them by attempting to capture breakfast: Starling a l'orange. Note to self: ignorant bipeds closely guard integrity of screen-doors. I feign further sleep as they walk in circles clicking mechanical devices and drinking magical black water. Dumbass submits to me by crouching on front quarters, dumb ass in the air wagging tail and barking. She jumps in circles and chases said tail. I open one eye.