Sunday, April 3, 2011

Top 10 reasons the new cat is SATAN

Since the addition of MOUSIFER SATAN to our den, my life has been a living hell. The ignorant biped bitch is on the computer 24/7 supposedly studying for some stupid "course." Not sure if it's an appetizer or entree course, but how much do ignorant bipeds need to study it? Just eat the damn thing and ask questions later.  But I digress. The ignorant bipeds are away this morning worshiping their gods so I have a rare two hours at the keyboard.

While I don't understand the biped gods I do understand their concept of Satan. The Evil One who comes in many forms, luring creatures to do despicable things so that they will be rewarded in the afterlife by being made kings of the underworld. What's that you're saying? .... you're saying if Satan is fully evil then a system of rewards does not follow reasonably. Okay,, that does sound pretty evil.....

Anyhow....this cat is fucking SATAN and needs to be nookin' obliterated with a lightning bolt by Dog Almighty. Here are the top ten reasons why:

10.   I said so.
9.     He's RED with creepy red horns.
    Horns, ears, same thing. 
8. He has evil yellow eyes, with black slits in them


Okay, so they look blue in this picture, but....

7. He's CROSS-EYED then. YA! And so is Satan. Yes, he is, don't argue with me.
6. He has a TAIL. (Don't say it)
5. From time to time, he carries around a big FORK. No shit. What?, I don't have a picture of that. Well, just because. I....I didn't have my camera with me that day.
4. He refuses to drink out of the toilet (how creepy and disgusting is that?)
3. He has been captured on camera luring the ignorant biped bitch, sucking her in with his evil ways:

2. He keeps a piece of the desert in his own the form of a box of sand....just in case that Jesus guy comes back and needs to be tempted again to take over the world.

1. But the # 1 reason this cat is Satan:  He changes his FORM. Just the other day when the ignorant bipeds weren't around I caught him morphing into this:

then THIS!


Those from the United States of Ignorant Bipeds would be more likely to relate to this form:
(the cat is the one at the top of the picture holding the sign: note the resemblance)

To keep the Evil One from entering your den, join with me in a hymn to Dog Almighty entitled:

Guide Me O Thou German Shepherd

Guide me O Thou German Shepherd
Pilgrim through this martial law
I am weak, but thou art mighty
Hold me with thy powerful paw
Kibble of heaven, kibble of heaven
Feed me 'til I want no more!
Feed me 'til I want no more.

~ 11380