Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A MikeyTheBrat Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the den
Not a creature was stirring, not even the men.
 A bag of nuts hung by the mantle with care,
In hopes that the chimney squirrels soon would be there.

The puppies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of rawhide bones danced in their heads.
Dumbass in a tizzy, and I in a flap,
Had just settled ourselves for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my crate to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore down the curtains and jumped on the glass.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Showed all of the dogs piles from down here below.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But eight sides of venison in the form of reindeer.

With an ignorant biped, with belly so thick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
All over his outfit, his head and his back
Was a nest full of squirrels – even more in his sack.

We both bared our teeth, both the Dumbass and I
Then sprung on t’ward him with loud battlecry.
The squirrels abandoned the poor sorry chap
Just enough for the two of us starting the scrap.

Round and round we all went, squirrels, Dumbass and I
Growling, barking and snapping with squirrels on the fly.
Squirrels on the mantle, squirrels up the tree
Squirrels down his pants, up his hat, on his knee.

St. Nicholas dropped down his whole bag of toys
Every one that he had for all good girls and boys
Now the children are crying all over the world
But we dogs sleep in peace with a belly full o' squirrel.

Merry Christmas from Mikey, Dumbass, and all of their ignorant biped captors! 
Mikey says be sure to give a gift to your local animal rescue this Christmas too!