Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Brat is Back

Wow - long time no talk to, comrades. The ignorant biped bitch hogs the computer constantly for her "writing." if someone wants to read a book about "personal improvement." I'll give ya personal improvement you stupid humans. Try this: YOU lay at the end of the bed, let us ration YOUR food and we'll shove YOU in a crate when our friends come over so you don't eat them. That would improve all o' y'all a whole lot.

Our pack has been distracted by a number of things in the last half of last year. One set of yuppie bipeds moved in here with us (Lord Dog have mercy) while another set had a litter of pups. Well, just one pup. It's bald, screams a lot and smells delicious, like cottage cheese. (I can smell her from my JAIL CELL in the garage whenever she comes over.) Here is a picture of the small human pup when she was a few hours old. I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Secondly, I've been spending a lot of time with my forbidden-love, whose name is Chili Pepper. Must have named her in honour of Jean Chretien, the RCMP and various local police forces involved in the Occupy movement.  I know, I know. She's 5 pounds full-grown and I'm 75. Yes, yes, I could crush her with one blow and fit her whole body in my mouth but why would I do that? First of all, I have been indog-anely castrated by the Doctors of Death long ago. The same DODs sterilized her a few months back as well. So we're just Plutonic friends. You know what I mean, right? Plutonic: adjective: def.: homosexual dog + grossly over/undersized other creature relationship.

As far as I know, Chili and I are homosexuals. We've both had all our plumbing removed so that makes us the same sex, right? Male-Female-Other. We check "other."  Here is a picture of my beloved, my darling, my widdo mush-moufs koochie koochie koo:

She does take some liberties with my DOGbed, but that's ok. If Chili and I were the last two animals on earth I would probably wait at least two or three days before eating her.

So that's what our pack has been doing. Oh ya...PLUS the yuppie biped bitch who lives with us started her own business selling cakes and cupcakes and everyone is helping her. They smell pretty good. However any attempts I've made to suggest adding dead squirrel to the batter have been frowned upon. As bipeds go, she's the coolest. She raises money selling cupcakes to help other endangered animals. So when we take over the world, she'll be the last one I eat. Here's a pic of her cupcakes. Amazing resemblance to us animals. So far, she does not make a dog cupcake. That's right lady. YOU are the endangered species where we're concerned.

Yup those are all cupcakes right there. One's to raise money for some stupid orchid plant.

I've said on Twitter, 2012 will be the year for us dogs. The year we finally take over the world from the ignorant bipeds. I know, I know, I said that before. But two of my diabolical plans for biped world takeover were thwarted. The first of them by fucking CATS and the second due to some canine dumbasses not knowing that 'YVR' stood for the Vancouver airport.

This time, nothing will go wrong. We will schedule the takeover for April 1st, aka April Ignorant Bipeds' Day. Stay tuned here and on my Twitter account for details.

Hasta la vista, puppahs! The Brat is baaaaaaaaaaa-aaaack!