Sunday, October 3, 2010


Comrades, when we finally stage the revolt and take over the world from the ignorant bipeds I will stand by this campaign promise: there will be no more baths! Not for us anyway. But those bipeds whom we do not obliterate we shall throw into a tub of soap and hold down until they whimper like puppies. See how they like it.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon on the west coast of British Columbia.  The sun was shining, the squirrels were running to and fro, and Dumbass and Shithead were sleeping unawares. In other words, there were many tasks before me. I was plotting strategy on the couch:

Yes, that's what I said, "plotting strategy." I know it looks like I was sleeping.

Immediately I was awoken...I mean startled....from my resting place with the bald lardass biped chirping some sounds that seemed to me like an offer of food, outdoor fun or toys to destroy. He was smiling and beckoning me upstairs: "Bla bla bla? Bla bla Mikey bla bla? C'mon! bla bla bla bla! Bla?"

I stupidly followed him into the trap........
................As soon as the bathroom door closed, I knew my fate. I also knew if I tried to bite him again, or even so much as growled at him, I would be subjected to obedience calisthenics like the last time.

So I endure the torture. The shampoo, the shake, the rinse, the shampoo, the shake, the rinse, the shake, the shake, the least bald lardass biped was covered in dog soap and fur by the end of it. I then race downstairs and before I can beat the piss out of Dumbass just to expend some energy, she's running up the stairs to her similar fate. Shithead tries to sniff me. Mistake.

Got a sympathy card in the mail from my friend Barny. He's got the right idea - hahahahaha!

Way to go Barn! See if those bipeds can give us the water torture with no towels. Oh ya!

Well, there's one good thing: at least Barny and I were merely tortured, not completely humiliated like this poor sod: