Monday, August 16, 2010

A Call to Arms

Comrades, I am in much despair. Never mind that Shithead annoys me continuously by running under my belly before I can flip around and consume him once and for all. But that is a mere annoyance compared to the latest diabolical plans of my oppressors. Apparently the yuppie bitch biped is moving to Edmonton, Alberta. and she is taking me with her. The ignorant bipeds CLAIM this is for her protection however I suspect that it is more sinister than that. I shall try to devise a plan

to escape before the date of the prisoner transfer: August 27th. But I may not succeed. The ignorant bipeds are very adept at prisoner transfer methods - using chains and cages inside their transport vehicles. If it comes to that I will try to stay alert and sniffing, however their transport vehicles have some mysterious way of putting me to sleep. Perhaps it is some sort of gas.

Note to self: CATS: GAS

In preparation for my move the yuppie bitch biped and her mother take me and Dumbass to Shutzhund training classes. This blows. Dumbass seems to relish the idea, stupidly wagging her tail on the final leg of the journey to the training field. I, on the other hand, narrow my eyes into slits, darting them left and right just to creep the bitches out. This appears to be useless but it makes me chuckle. I feign compliance for the rest of the class, in anticipation of the delicious culmination: chasing after an ignorant biped, flying at him and ripping his frickin' arm right off.

Oh the orgasmic absoluforication of it! Wooooooow! I even get to carry his arm back to the truck where of course it is taken from me by the yuppie biped. "Ya thanks" I yell after her. "Hope you enjoy your meal!"